Articles of Interest¾ Tobacco Cessation, and More
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1. The Top 10 “Additional” Benefits My Coaching Clients Receive (i.e., in addition to our tobacco cessation work together) *
2. The Top 10 Steps to Making Major Life Changes
3. The Top 10 Ways to Keep Fear in Perspective
4. The Top 10 Consequences of Pessimism
5. The Top 10 Powerful Choices We Forget We Have
6. The Top 10 Criteria for Wisely Hiring a Coach
Coaching is proven to work when the following three factors are present:
(1) The client is willing to grow and change; (2) there’s a gap between where the client is now and where the client wants to be; (3) the client perceives the value in coaching to solve a specific problem.
That's all that is necessary for the coach and the client to solve problems, create a new life, and implement a plan of action such as tobacco cessation.
Here are the Top 10 Benefits my clients
tell me they receive (I’ve asked, and I’ll ask you as we progress) in addition
to stop smoking coaching. Many of my clients also extend our coaching into other
areas of life, once they've quit. Basically,
benefits tend to fall into these ten areas:
1. THEY TAKE MORE, BETTER AND SMARTER ACTIONS¾-
BECAUSE THEY SET THE AGENDA, GOALS AND INTENTIONS THEY REALLY WANT!
Ultimately, human beings do what they
really want to do... and finding out exactly what you really want for yourself is one of our first tasks together
before we begin stop smoking coaching. I will help you to
distinguish between what you "coulda, shoulda, oughta" and "have-to" want from
what you, in your heart-of-hearts, really want for yourself. Once you and I
collaboratively create the ideal agenda, you're much more likely to naturally
and consistently take actions to reach it!
2. MY CLIENTS DEVELOP A MORE BALANCED LIFE THAT WORKS WELL BECAUSE
THEY'VE DESIGNED IT!
Experiencing and having an abundant life (that is a joy and works) in
the 21st century means accessing a balanced life. And you know what that
means - It's time to become very, very “selfish.” Not egotistical selfish, but Selfish¾
with a capital "S". I'll show you how to be selfish, yet responsible; and how to
get your personal needs met and still have people like you! This process is
called establishing your Personal Foundation and there are only 25 steps en
route to quitting smoking. You'll
love building your foundation because you know you're worth it! And you’ll need
this base if you are to be your true Self!
3. MY CLIENTS MAKE AND KEEP MORE MONEY: BECAUSE THEY’RE WORTH MORE THAN THEY
PRESENTLY EARN!
What's this have to do with quitting
tobacco?
Money, money, money! You have to have a certain amount of it – and probably a
lot more of it than you think, especially with the uncertainties of the economic
future of the nation and world going into the 21st century. (Hmmm.) Anyway, you
know you can make (and keep) more money, so why don't you? It's something I've
helped my clients with as part of my coaching. I have some familiarity with what I share¾I'm
financially very comfortable, can travel extensively, and have a great deal of
freedom. You can too.
4. MY CLIENTS EXPERIENCE A GREATER ENJOYMENT OF LIFE AND WORK!
Whether the issue is conflict, clutter, balance, relationships, or something
else¾
my clients learn how to "be in the present" and enjoy life and work, without
anxiety or guilt getting in the way! That's because we can and do work on
identifying the "guiding beliefs" that they harbor, and make any desired changes
over time. This is necessary for the balance I mentioned earlier, and makes
success meaningful and self-sustaining. Success means something different for
every client I coach. Do you really know what success is for you, or have
you been living by other peoples’ scripts and expectations? Many smokers don't
quit¾
because of others!
5. MY CLIENTS LEARN TO BE THEIR TRUE SELF – AND LIVE OUT THEIR TRUE VISION,
MISSION AND PURPOSE WITH INTEGRITY AND PASSION!
My clients learn early on to identify
their own values, behavioral styles (basic and adapted) and mission. Once they
do, they can develop and implement personal and business goals that reflect who
they truly are and what they are passionate about! By sharing a wealth of
materials and experience gained from working with others, and by supporting them
during a time of experimentation, implementation, and evaluation, my clients
usually report quick and significant growth in their own self-confidence and
ability to "make it" on their own, to that next higher level.
6. MY CLIENTS LEARN HOW TO "PLAY A BIGGER GAME": AND NOT BE "CONSUMED" IN
THE PROCESS!
Whenever anyone has a partner they trust, they will always reach for a lot more
because they can afford to! I will be your "partner"¾
but in a way that is
non-competitive, non-threatening, and always has your very best interest as my
ultimate goal! My clients gain more than ever before, but never lose sight of
the fact they are human "beings" and not merely human "doings"!
7. MY CLIENTS MAKE BETTER DECISIONS FOR THEMSELVES AND THEIR BUSINESS BECAUSE THEIR FOCUS IS CLEAR!
Every client of mine is highly intelligent, smart and savvy¾
yet they still use me, and pay handsomely for my coaching. Why? Because they
know the value of sharing ideas with someone who understands them and is
subjective enough to want a lot for them, yet objective enough not to be biased
or self-serving. Just you talking about your options with someone who can and
will listen carefully and ask the right questions is often enough to have it all
become unusually clear. And then, of course, you'll also get my two cents'
worth!
8. MY CLIENTS GAIN NEW TOOLS AND MORE SUSTAINABLE ENERGY: NO MORE STARTING
AND STOPPING!
When you're happy, productive and free from tolerations and problems, you're
going to feel much better – and your daily life will show it! The coaching
process introduces clients to a variety of new tools that, individually and
collectively, form the basis for our work together. Whether the issue is
en-visioning, implementation or evaluation, my clients receive many cutting edge
tools and scientifically validated behavioral and values assessments that enable
them to build the right agenda for this point in life and work.
9. THEY BECOME A LOT MORE ATTRACTIVE AND CONFIDENT – NATURALLY!
When you learn to apply the laws of attraction to your daily life and work,
you’ll become far more irresistibly attractive to yourself, and others! Rather
than coming across as being unattractive and needy for people’s attention and/or
business, you’ll become an Attraction Magnet? That actually draws others toward
the energy field you emit. This is the opposite of the manipulation and
solicitation that people experience on a daily basis.
10. MY CLIENTS GET OFF TO A FAST START!
The first 90 days are crucial, and that’s why we set up for a three month contract, instead of paying month by month. This is where the greatest change takes place – and you’ll see it, as will others around you! Your "rolodex" of relationships will change to include time for new people who nurture and challenge you – and less time with those who drain and sap your energy. What’s more, you’ll be learning life-long patterns of fulfillment that serve you and your loved ones for years to come!
The Top 10 Steps to Making Major Life Changes
1. Identify the payoffs and price of staying where you are.
There are certainly good reasons you have for not already having made a transition. Do some soul searching with a trusted ally, coach, or through journaling to uncover what payoffs you're receiving for not making the change. At the same time, identify the price you are paying for maintaining the status quo. When your conscious mind gets that the price is greater than the payoff, you'll be much clearer whether it's in your best interest to keep things the same or to make a change.
2. Begin developing a reserve of everything.
A difficult transition can be made much easier when you have reserves in many areas of your life. For example, develop a plan to put away enough money to support yourself for the next year or two. Seek out trusted friends and associates for your personal support team who are excited and committed to supporting you. Simplify your life in terms of time and clutter to free up the space for something more in alignment with what you want. Look at other life areas such as relationships, recreation, family, etc. that you can beef up to help you through the transition. Keep in mind that it's better to be over prepared and succeed than to fail because you were under prepared.
3. Develop a vision of what's possible to pull you through the transition.
Not knowing what might happen if you quit tobacco, or change careers, or leave a long-standing relationship can be very frightening. Fear of the unknown can keep you stuck. It can also keep you from honestly discovering and exploring the options that are always there. Once discovered, you can use these options to develop a vision of what your life will look like after your transition. Make up your vision if it isn't coming to you naturally, but make it good. Your vision will form the matrix on which you will create your new life and give you the inspiration and courage you need to move on.
4. Uncover your self-judgments.
Guilt is rampant in our culture. So is the vendetta against selfishness. In appropriate suffering is supported and nurtured by friends, family, religions, etc. So it's not surprising that many of us, deep down, don't feel we deserve to have what we want. It's critical to dig down and uncover any judgments you may be holding against yourself, knowing that they are usually subconscious and may require some work. For example, you may feel that you're not good enough or deserving of what you want, like quitting smoking. Or you may feel that the transition you're about to make will hurt someone in your life and that you'll be responsible for their pain. Or you may feel that you're not smart enough, resourceful enough, bold enough, or just plain "enough" to make this change. Acknowledge these judgments then forgive yourself for holding these false perceptions about who you really are. Because the truth is, they are only ideas and you will create yourself each moment based on the new idea you can hold about who you are.
5. Give up playing the victim.
Are you complaining about being in the situation you're in? Are you blaming others for this scenario? Who actually forced you to smoke? Or maybe you've accepted full responsibility for this situation and just beat yourself up for not making the change. If any of the above are true, you are playing the victim. It's time to come to grips with the fact that you have been forfeiting your power to make the change you say you want. Even if you're blaming yourself for not being happy or for having the courage to make the change, then part of you is beating up another part of yourself, hence there's a victim in there somewhere. To the degree you play the role of victim, you are losing power. So wake up and own your full power to create the life you desire, no matter what.
6. Give up analysis that breeds paralysis.
We are so conditioned to figure things out before we leap, that sometimes we become paralyzed to take the actions our bodies are directed to take from the beginning. This is particularly true if you are an engineer, scientist, or other type of technical person who experiences the world more through analysis more than feeling. I was a clinical psychologist once and from my own experience know this to be true. The mind is meant to be used to create and to keep us safe. If it's stuck in a pattern rehashing the same ideas over and over, trying to figure out what will happen if, then you're probably stuck in a mind-loop. It's time to quit thinking and start doing. Ask your body what action to take, and then just take it. Often the information you're seeking will only be made available after the action is taken. Wisdom often comes in the motion, not the analysis.
7. Risk failure.
Has the fear of failing got you stuck? If so, define what failure would look like for you. Imagine the worst possible thing that might happen¾ you temporarily go back to cigarettes. Can you live with it if it does happen? Can you make course corrections before it happens or after it happens? The answer is almost always "yes." I suggest removing the word "failure" from your vocabulary. Instead, realize that each of your actions will simply yield a result. This result will be one you want or one you don't want. Simply take the result as feedback from the universe on your action and take the next appropriate action. Viewed from this perspective, mistakes are merely indications that a course correction is needed and not to be taken personally. I'm a licensed pilot, and I check my DG (directional gyro¾compass) and other instruments all the time, making course corrections based on this feedback. I'd never get anywhere if I took every little off-course reading as a personal failure!! Give up the concept of failure and take flight!
8. As silly as it may sound, access your "inner warrior":
Within each of us, men and women alike, there is an aspect that is built for bold, decisive action. This part of us is instinctual. It looks out, not only for our survival, but also for our soul's mission. It is not concerned about sacrificing Self for another, yet, in certain circumstances will give its very life for another if that is in alignment with its mission and values. You get messages from this part of yourself all of the time. These messages may come in the form of feelings in your body in response to certain actions, environments, or experiences. They may come in the form of "gut" feelings in certain situations. Or they may be just a sense of direct "knowing" that has no rational foundation. If you are contemplating a difficult transition, and have "contemplated" yourself into a corner, it may be time to let your inner warrior take over for a while. Just experience "knowing" what you need to do, then commit to doing it without thinking anymore about it until it's done.
9. Don't go to your deathbed wondering what would have happened if...
It's easy for us to forget how short our lives really are. Many of us live as if we'll never die. We waste away our hours and days watching too much TV, listening to too much evening "bad news," working jobs we hate, living just for the weekends, or "putting in time" until retirement, while living like zombies the other 70% of our lives. We may live in a relationship that drains and devalues us thinking it might magically get better somehow, someday. We deny our feelings or make excuses for frittering away our lives. Enough I say! I challenge you to project yourself forward to your death. It's real and it's coming for you! No questions about it. See yourself on your deathbed and ask yourself if the life you're living now is all you dreamt it to be. Write your own obituary today. How close are you to living your passion? Let this vision be a motivator to get off your butt and follow your dreams!
10. Get support to prepare and walk with you through the transition.
Big life transitions, especially the momentous one of eliminating tobacco from your life, can be overwhelming to accomplish on your own. There is no shame in asking for help from your friends, relatives, or from a coach. In fact, enough of the right kind of support can make a seemingly difficult transition, relatively easy. I've had a lot of help in making a couple of big transitions in my life, but is was worth it. Being a lone-ranger, asking for and accepting help from others was difficult at first, but really nice once I got used to it. Now I wouldn't think of starting a major project or making a big change without relying heavily on my support system of close and loving friends, and my own coach. Do whatever is necessary to make change easy on you. You're worth it, I'd venture to say.
The Top
10 Ways to Keep Fear in Perspective
1. Realize fear is a gift.
Fear, a universal emotion, helps us set boundaries around dangerous people,
places and things that could do us harm.
2. Fear is a tool.
Fear is neither a good or bad emotion; it is one of many tools in our
emotional toolbox. Life gives us the opportunity to practice using it in
self-development.
3. Acknowledge fear.
Fear will continue to set off alarms in your thoughts and physical health
until you acknowledge it. Learn to recognize when you are afraid and thank fear
for the information it is providing.
4. Analyze the message fear brings.
Your fearful reaction or trepidation for a future event speaks to you on
many levels. Listen to your thoughts, assumptions and dreams. Sit with your fear
and find out what it's telling you.
5. Make a choice about how you want to use the information fear provides.
Decide who you want to be and how you wish to act during a fearful
situation. Be responsive rather than reactive.
6. Keep a big perspective. Try to stay open to the fearful experience.
What lessons are there for you to learn about yourself and others? What are you
being taught?
7. Realize that working with fear is a process.
Fear is a redundant tool. It
will pop up several times to make sure you want to proceed the way that you are.
Know that the process of working with fear requires you to make the same choice
over and over again. This is where the tool of courage "acting despite fear" can
help.
8. Practice compassion.
Be compassionate and patient with yourself. Fear is not an easy tool to
learn to work. Experience requires us to both fail and succeed in order to
receive the fullest picture. What good does it serve to punish yourself for not
succeeding?
9. Practice openness.
Keep open to the fearful experience. What do you sense physically and
intuitively? What insight is being brought to you through this experience?
10. Keep the goal in mind.
The only way around a problem is through it. Keeping your eye on the desired
end results assists you in moving through the experience rather than clinging to
the sides of it.
The Top 10 Consequences of Pessimism
Optimism can be learned and all reports indicate that optimists accomplish more. An Optimism workshop in your workplace will probably elevate more than attitude. Optimism is not intended to be simplistic positive thinking. Optimism is about thinking non-negatively.
1. Pessimists are more susceptible to depression.
When they experience setbacks or when bad events happen to them, they're more likely to get depressed and stay depressed for longer.
2. Pessimistic people are likely achieving less than their talents allow.
It stands to reason if you don't think you can do something, or that efforts will fail, why would you try?
3. The health of pessimistic people may be at risk, because of their pessimism, and that risk increases with age.
Studies show that optimists live longer, enjoy better health, and recuperate from things like heart attacks better, and that the level of a person's optimism at age 20 influences their health at age 60.
4. Pessimistic people are probably not experiencing life as pleasurable as they could be.
They believe that success is temporary, and has isolated causes other than themselves, so their pleasure is tinged with skepticism.
5. Research proves pessimism decreases performance.
There's an industry test for potential to sell life insurance, which anyone who wants to sell life insurance at Met Life must pass to get hired. In a study, potential recruits were also given attributional style questionnaires to determine if they were optimists or pessimists. As predicted, optimists outsold pessimists by 8% in the first year, and in the 2nd year the difference increased to 31%.
6. Pessimism can obliterate other advantages such as intelligence.
Met Life also hired 129 people who didn't quite pass the industry test - they were borderline rejections, but they clearly had optimistic attributional styles. Those people, who would not have been hired by any insurance firm because of their failing grade on the industry test, but who were extreme optimists on Seligman's Attributional Style Questionnaire, outsold pessimists by 21% in year 1, and by 57% in year 2.
7. Pessimism affects every performance activity.
Pessimistic university swimmers had twice as many "worse than expected" performances as optimistic swimmers.
8. Pessimists do even worse after defeat.
It's a downward spiral. In controlled situations, swimmers swam their best event all out, and were told their performance was below average (specific times were given), so they were given false feedback about their performance to create the impression of failure. Then, after resting for awhile, they swam the same event again. Optimistic swimmers did as well as the first time, or better. Pessimistic swimmers, however, did worse the second time, and some did considerably worse, including two of the swim team stars.
9. Pessimists are less persistent when faced with difficulties.
According to Seligman's attributional theory, pessimists explain the cause of BAD life events as being stable, global and internal (e.g., I failed, because I'm bad and it'll always be that way). With that assumption, why would you persevere?
10. Pessimists get very little encouragement from successes and it's our correctly-attributed successes that motivate us, and give us the self-confidence to keep meeting new challenges.
Pessimists believe that the cause of GOOD life events is unstable, local and external (e.g., I succeeded because that assessment was only examining one part of my ability and it was easy).
[Credit and thanks for this feature goes to my friend and coach, Susan Dunn, M.A., Professional Coach, Speaker, Writer and Author, who can be reached at sdunn@susandunn.cc or visited on the web.
The Top 10 Powerful Choices We Forget We Have
As I consider my choices and assist clients in making their own, I've noticed a set of powerful choices we tend to overlook. Let this list be a starting place for you... What types of options do you routinely overlook? Which choices could make a big difference to your success and happiness? How will you remember to step back in the moment and consider those choices?
1. The choice to let go and move on
What if instead of thinking about how to act on a petty annoyance, you choose to let it go? How much annoyance does it really serve you to carry into this moment from the last?
2. The choice to confront our beliefs with data
Can you identify the underlying beliefs that keep you from looking at a broader set of choices? For example, "I've got to do it perfectly or [the people who count on me] will be disappointed." Maybe that belief was true at some point in your life. Check it out now.
3. The choice to see the game and offer to change the rules
Are you playing out a game or routine that you didn't consciously sign up for? Good cop/bad cop? Victim/rescuer? If this isn't the game you want to play now, what behavior could you choose instead?
4. The choice to go for something bigger
Sometimes when we're hung up on whether to go for Option A or Option B (a job, a date, a vacation, whatever), the reason it's hard to decide is that both options mean settling for so much less than we are able to create for ourselves. Ask yourself what could be bigger... put at least three more options on the table.
5. The choice to support others in doing things their own way
How often do we get our shorts in a twist because someone else does things differently than we would? What if you choose to let go of the manipulation project and wholeheartedly support the person in doing it his or her own way? You may want to explore Myers-Briggs or the Enneagram to deepen your appreciation of the many legitimate ways in which people differ.
6. The choice to admit ignorance or fatigue and ask for help
In the heat of the moment, do you tend to forget that you usually don't have to make it all by yourself?
7. The choice to call a time out and regain perspective
How many decisions truly need to be made this very moment? When you're struggling with a choice, give yourself the gift of a break... a walk around the block, a talk with a friend, whatever relaxes you and gets you back in touch with what's truly important to you.
8. The choice to get real about our fears and hopes
How often do we shy away from saying aloud what's so... even to ourselves? How much more powerful to get real, and then decide what to do.
9. The choice to speak a difficult truth
Notice when you're struggling to decide among "Way of Avoiding Saying A", "Way of Dancing Around the Truth B" and "Way of Manipulating C"... what might happen if you added "Speaking My Truth D" to the possibilities?
10. The choice to accept fully what is
This powerful choice is ALWAYS available. For you, when is acceptance enough on its own to reveal the peace you seek? When is it a useful first step before you decide to create something new?
The Top 10 Criteria for Wisely Hiring a Coach
1. Likeability and Warmth Factor
Is it important that you like your coach? It is to me! Although first impressions can be lasting, look for depth and allow yourself a little time to get a feel for the coach’s rhythm. Warmth, openheartedness, good-naturedness, gentleness, intelligence, patience, playfulness, and responsiveness are some of the intangibles that really matter. What matters most to you?
2. Role Model Potential
What kind of person do you want to be like? What kind of role model would you like to offer your own clients, customers or family? Maturity, groundedness, smarts, creativity, playfulness, love of Nature, cultural awareness and sensitivity, and high standards and clear values rank high on my list. How about yours?!
3. Experience, Wisdom, Resources, and Common Sense
Lighting the way, sharing appropriately, and using common sense go a long way in coaching. Do you get the sense that your prospective coach has a good personal foundation and that s/he does not actually NEED you in order to experience a fulfilling life? Do they have sufficient experience to draw from and do they seem to know how to draw the wisdom out of life's more challenging moments? Do they have good resources and their own research to draw from and share with you in a timely fashion? What have they done with their life??
4. Specific Needs
Do you have specific needs or training requirements that you want your prospective coach to be sensitive to or already have? Would it be best if they were [you fill in the blank: business-oriented, creative, restorative, or sensitive to certain lifestyle preferences] for example? Know your own needs and preferences first and make sure your future coach is aware and comfortable with them before you hire them.
5. Availability, Reliability, Consideration, and Flexibility
As long as you request a prospective coach's services with enough planning time, it is reasonable to expect that they will be available when they say they will be. If something comes up on their end or yours, however, it is natural you both give each other ample notice. Find out about their cancellation policy, if any, in advance and make sure it works for you.
6. Level of Energy, Health, and Spirituality
What level of energy, enthusiasm, and spirituality do you exhibit or hope to attain? Do you desire the same or a higher level from your prospective coach? Do you want a coach who is fit physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally? Do you want one who seems stressed out or one who knows how to take care of themselves, and does so?
7. Proximity, Frequency, Type, and Level of Contact
Are sessions by telephone good for you? Do you desire email contact in between sessions too? Are you willing to pay for additional services or do you expect them? How often do you want to have sessions? Daily? Bi-weekly? Weekly? Three times a month? Four times a month? Or once a month? Are you willing to commit to three months? Six months? Or do you want an a la carte plan where you schedule a call only as needed (and pay as you go?).
8. Financial Considerations
What are you willing to invest in your life enough to hire a great coach? What is attaining your health, your personal and professional ideals, and making successful transitions worth to you? Are you willing to show yourself, and perhaps family and colleagues, that you are worth every coaching dollar spent? Do you know that it isn't REALLY about the money anyway? Nonetheless, have an idea of how much you are willing to spend or at least have a range in mind. Check what other coaches charge. Fees vary but seem to be from $250 to $2000 and more per month (averaging about $500); Specialists and niche coaches can command considerably higher fees because of their expertise, reputation and success. They can begin at about $600 and go to $10,000 per month, and more.
9. Boundary Setting
Ask them how they deal with challenging situations and see if this works for you. Are they able to communicate with care and yet firmly when a boundary needs to be set? Do they know when to refer you on when necessary?
10. Personal References
If confidentiality is not an issue, get two or three references in advance and call them! Ask them how they originally chose this coach and how their coaching relationship is going. If they no longer use them, kindly ask them what changed.